One of “Those” Days
TODAY was one of those days, you guys.
A day where whine was the language of choice–spoken between sniffles, sneezes and coughs.
A day that was anchored in frustration before it even began, from a phone conversation with an airline the night before.
A day where my (almost) 10 month old raptor-screamed at me every time I walked out of sight… you know, like to start a load of laundry or take out the trash.
A day that was riddled with guilt because I let my two year old watch WAAAAY too much television while I was on the phone with sassy customer service reps.
A day where I fetched snack after snack after snack for my tiny little humans. Where “please and thank you” were overshadowed by whimpers and groans.
A day where my husband worked late and came home exhausted.
A day where my two year old peed in her panties about 6 feet away from her potty and her sister crawled through it.
And the straw to break the camel’s back was smelling like vomit at the end of the night. Not because we have stomach bugs, but because of a refusal to take medicine. Convulsing and intentional gagging–the full show.
I honestly felt like I didn’t have the strength in me to keep going. And then it dawned on me–I don’t, but God does!
Now, here I am, in the silence of my living room, grateful that God has granted me these moments to myself to reflect and refocus.
How is it possible to feel like the Lioness of Pride Rock one day, then an awkward elephant floundering in mud the very next?! June Cleaver, then Cruella Deville…
I feel like a crazy person.
When I do finally get that time to reflect and re-calibrate, it’s like coming up for air. Like I’ve been exhaling all day and forgot to inhale deeply.
But here’s what I think our problem is sometimes: often we’re breathing dirty air.
Just like the recycled air in the cabin of an airplane, we are breathing in negativity from those around us. We look to social media to vent and rampage, but oftentimes we stop there. We look for approval; people to be in our corner; people to agree with us.
God knows what he’s doing though. He won’t give us more than we can handle. He will sustain us. He will see us through even on the most frustrating or devastating of days.
Right now, I have a candle lit, relaxing music playing in the background, and a Chai latte in hand. It’s glorious. I won’t lie and say I don’t LOVE this time to myself, but this isn’t my reality anymore. It’s an indulgence. This story of my life that’s currently being written has me in the chapter of motherhood. It’s where I’m supposed to be. And God says whatever it is we do, to work at it with all of our hearts!
Living an intentional life is hard work. Putting the needs of others before your own is draining. Going the extra mile when you feel like collapsing is something supernatural, but God will give you what you need. Ask him to refuel you. Breathe in the clean air of God’s Word. Cling to him.
I’m not entirely sure the point of this post. I guess I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in the trenches–I’m here too. But also, that we’ve got to ask God to give us the strength to keep going. We can’t do this alone, and we don’t have to.
I’m thankful that God has not forgotten about me and this crazy life, but I’m even more thankful that we get a new start tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning. And best of all, this is not the end. He’s preparing a place for us, one better than here. Has he prepared a place for you? Might be a good thing to look in to.
These verses comfort me in my weariness and remind me that I am intimately known by my Creator. I pray that God’s thoughts become precious to us this day, this week, this year, in this life.
April 
Psalm 139:1-18
1You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How vast is the sum of them!
18Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
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