Have you ever been in a situation that’s just laughably ridiculous? Like a Ben Stiller movie where you know the crazy that’s about to unfold, and part of you wants to close your eyes for it? Yeah, me too. It happened the other day at Target. It’s amazing what a few days of perspective can offer a weary soul. God is funny that way. He truly does know how much we can handle, and it really is laughable now that it’s in the rearview. I feel like I couldn’t even make up the script if I tried to.
It all began to go terribly awry when I picked up Cary from her car seat. We were in the produce section at Target, and she had just finished eating her Mum Mum…
Picture this scene.
Then you can relive the Ben Stiller movie with me as it unfolded:
A woman in her early thirties (that’s me) pulls into the Target parking lot, only to find that there are no spots even remotely close to a cart station. [You know, the place where people return their carts when they’re finished shopping]? Moms with multiple littles typically eye those puppies up so they can load and unload the kiddos with a bit more ease. Parking spot close to cart station = good.
Ok, so there were a few cart stations in the vicinity, but this mom wanted the deluxe wagon. We’re talking eight wheels, three seats, and ample space for the car seat, diaper bag and all the necessities. She’d settle for nothing less. A couple rows away, she spots one. Leisurely, she hops across rows of traffic to secure the coveted “double wagon.”
All is well in the beginning. She and her three babies stop at the food court for some fodder to keep the peace. Everyone is happy. About the time they get to the food section to grab the very few items they needed, the baby begins to scream.
She’s pacified with a Mum Mum, a rice cracker for babies starting solids. About the time they pass the dairy section and move into the produce area, the baby has completely lost it. Meanwhile, the “big girls” are starting to bicker about where they’re allowed to put their cups. Things are going downhill–fast.
The mom scoops up the baby, gives her a quick turn so she’s facing outward (just like she always does), when she suddenly feels something warm seeping through her shirt onto her hip and stomach region. The realization hit the mom that yes, the babe had in fact released a large amount of runny poop which puddled up in the car seat and soiled her new shirt. This is where things start to get interesting…
Thankfully, the mother has been blessed with two hands and arms with full range of motion. [Don’t ever take that for granted]! She keeps the baby on her hip while pushing the cart with her non-dominant hand across the store in the direction of the restroom. But wait, didn’t she need a few more things? There wouldn’t be time to make a return trip before she needed to send out her father’s birthday card. Yes, she’d pick one up quickly in the card isle and hope she could keep the poop at bay!
They made it to the restroom with all the children still in tact, but the woman’s patience was wearing thin with the bickering of her two and three year olds. While the two year old was dismounting her seat in the cart, her Icee went tumbling down into the groceries. Another problem for another time, the mom thought. “Wait, you don’t have your shoes on?” Whyyyyyyyyy would you take them off?! Oh well, I don’t even care… just get in the bathroom so I can deal with this mess please!”
In the bathroom, everything was handled save two things–the puddle of poop in the car seat and the mother’s soiled shirt. A few paper towels and a plastic bag umbrella holder later, they were on their way to grab that $8 shirt she secretly wanted anyway. A quick shirt change and they made their way to the check out counter. With the tags still on, the woman at the register just laughed. “Guess I’ll have to scan you, huh?”
Thanks to the plastic bag ban, they didn’t have any bags to load their groceries into… because let’s be honest, who actually remembers to bring those 17 reusable bags that litter the floorboard with them into the store? With the toddlers climbing all over the cart and the baby squirming in her arms, the frazzled woman manages to get the wheels in motion and heads in the direction of their vehicle.
On the way to the van, as she rolls over those convenient bumpy mats on the sidewalk, the French Vanilla creamer bumps right off the wagon and rolls under a parked truck. Thanks to a small boy and kind passer-by, the creamer is rescued and put safely inside the wagon.
They finally make it to the van, with the mother’s sanity hanging by a thread. Kids go in their seats, even the poopy ones. And last but not least, the groceries are unloaded into the bags that litter the floorboard. All the groceries except the yellow onion [which missed the bag and went tumbling into the street]! It was chased down, only to get squashed in slow motion by a very large truck tire.
Imagine the defeat… and just picture the ridiculous ending of this grocery store scene:
The baby screaming.
The children whining.
The poop-stained shirt wrapped in paper towels.
The onion rolling lop-sided down the pavement.
And all the woman could do was laugh. She let out a grateful chuckle, and the screen goes blank.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my laughable chaos for the week.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
