Christmas Blog

    I love the ambiance that a Christmas tree brings to the entire month of December.  I know it's not about the tree or the decorations, but the ambiance does something to me that's invigorating!  The smell of spruce, or pine, or whatever it is, has such an effect on my mood.  Waking up in the dark mornings to a tree that's lit up puts me in a state of reflection and contentment.  Weird, I know.  Usually, the reflection time doesn't last long though, as I quietly sneak my cup of coffee and try to pray a few sentences of thanksgiving.  Within 15 minutes, without fail, Lily lets me know she's awake in her crib upstairs.  She has a mommy-radar, I just know it.  She can sense when I leave my bedroom!  I can’t get mad though because she gets that trait from me.  I never want to miss out on anything.  At least I still have a few moments to myself when she naps.  I'm grateful for that.

    This weekend I made cookies, and Lily helped.  When I say she "helped", I mean she didn't cry the entire time :)  She sat in her Bumbo on the counter playing with measuring cups and plastic bowls as I whipped up some tasty treats.  When she got bored with that, I put her in the living room, and she played quietly for a solid 20 minutes without a peep!  I was amazed.  That doesn’t happen often, but when it does I’m appreciative.    

    It has been fun decorating for Christmas this year!  It's the first year in a very long time that we're staying home for the holidays.  We are looking forward to it.  Not sure what our plans are yet, but I’m excited to start our own family traditions!  We put our tree up on Black Friday, and I've been doing little bits of decoration ever since.  I am enjoying having a home to decorate!  It is such a blessing.  

    To kick off the season, we had a little Christmas party last weekend with several of our closest friends.  A friend helped me make a snowman cut out as a game for the kids, and I used cardboard to make some props for a DIY photo booth.  Mike and I planned a treasure hunt for the kids too.  We also did a gift swap and enjoyed hot chocolate and some good laughs together.

    Just last night, to continue spreading the cheer, our family delivered the baked goods we made to each of our neighbors!  Lily was dressed in my infant Christmas PJs with her Santa hat.  She looked so darling, and she was so happy to be out and about past her bedtime visiting with all the neighbors!  

Me:  1984                                       Lily:  2014

    We were invited to a Christmas Eve “open house” across the street, and we’re looking forward to it.  We introduced ourselves to the couple that lives behind us who’s in closest ear shot of Lily’s cries, and then we sat by a koi pond in the backyard of a widow who lives kitty corner to us--sipping Pepsi and swapping stories.  We’re so thankful to have such sweet neighbors.

    Most of all this season, I’m thankful for our Savior.  It’s because of him that we are able to enjoy these blessings.  Christ took on flesh for our sakes.  He became something tangible so that we could understand perfection, and our lack of it.

    I am a terrible Christ follower.  I lack spiritual discipline.  I’m fickle and shallow.  I care too much what people think.  Thank GOD my actions (or lack of them), don’t affect Christ’s love for me!  I’m glad it’s his perfection that saves me.  And finally, I’m thankful that he continues to beckon me.  He beckons me to get out of the rut I so often find myself stuck in, and look to the cross.  I pray that we would not get so blinded by the ambiance of Christmas and the feel-good sentiments this year that we forget what a sacrifice it was to become flesh.   Even if you don’t have much time to reflect, just lift your heart before the Lord. 

“Even before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely O Lord.” Psalm 139:4

May your days be...

Detrimental Comparisons

Why is it that in order to feel good about myself, I must compare my life with the lives of others.  I tend to make things all about me.  Sometimes, I can't even seem to rejoice with others in their victories because I'm so hung up on my failures.  When I feel like I'm not measuring up, it's usually because: my house isn't as tidy as_______, my motivation or energy level is less than _______, my prayer life is not a strong as _______, my eating habits are _______, my life isn't as exciting as _______, I wish I had a career like _______.  Of course, this list could go on.  We've all been there.  Many of us have those people in our lives that seem to have it all together.  In the Facebook era, we all subconsciously (some of us consciously) try to make our lives look more awesome than they truly are.  When I see someone doing well, oftentimes my first thought is jealousy rather than joy; envy as opposed to delight.  When someone is going through a rough patch, I'm usually just "glad it's not me."  It always comes back to me comparing my life to theirs.  Herein lies the problem--my heart.

This might not be something everyone struggles with, but this is what I struggle with.  It's so easy to compare your life and the way you do things to those around you.  Satan likes to sow seeds of inadequacy into my life in this very way.  Through my recent (yet short) journey in the land of parenthood, I have come to realize that the game of comparison doesn't stop with ME.  It's beginning again with my daughter.  There are endless things to compare.  Sleeping through the night. Breastfeeding. Bottle feeding. Working outside the home.  Working inside the home.  Reasons for crying.  Colic.  Cloth diapers.  Disposable diapers.  Natural remedies.  Pregnancy weight gain.  Postpartum weight loss.  Vaccinations.  Pacifiers.  Swimming.  Diet.  Toys. TV.  Discipline.  Organic food.  Friends, etc.  Each of these things has the potential to be a source of contention.  Everyone has their own take on each subject, and if you don't care... well, it seems you're judged for that as well.  

I love my daughter very very much!  But I can honestly say that it was hard to love her in the beginning.  I feel like a bad parent even admitting that.  Having a child that cries more than "normal" was a hard pill to swallow for both my husband and I.  She's four months old now and much much better, but she's still fussier than most babies.  I was envious of all my friends that had mellow babies.  What frustrated me the most in those first few months were the comments and stares that I got from friends and random strangers.  And so the cycle of comparison had begun again with my daughter.

And here's where I need reminding of God's promises and acceptance regardless of how disheveled my life seems at time.  Even though I may feel more accomplished and put together, he doesn't look at me any differently if my house is tidy, if I read my Bible, write in my prayer journal, lose ten pounds, give up chocolate, or have a baby that is pleasant to be around.  God loves me, and continually beckons me to sit at his feet in worship and reverence.  I pray that I can answer his call more than I have been lately.  That I would see the beauty in others and the unique gifts God gave to them.  That I would enjoy the company of others without comparing my life to theirs or feeling judged by them.  

Romans 12: 

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.

 In this Christian life, we know we live by grace.  That's the only thing that gets us through. We "know" in our minds that we're not good enough to please God, but we try oh so hard to be worthy enough to earn his approval.  Are you using your God given gifts and blooming where you're planted, or are you trying to be transplanted to some else's garden, hoping you'll blossom better there?

I couldn't resist adding a pictures of my munchkin!  So happy these days :)

Paint and Parties

This month has been a hot one.  Football season has commenced, and in the Wolfe household that means we [loosely] plan our weekends around the schedules of the fighting Irish and the Chicago Bears.  I married a devoted football follower, so I may as well embrace it, right?  The best part about Notre Dame games is watching them with other people.  And that usually means food, fun and wet children running in and out of the house!  We love hosting, and we are very fortunate to have a pool that lures people over during these hot months.  

Pool basketball is also back and the "boys" get very invested in the game.  We feel so blessed to have the "things" we have, but even more fortunate to have such a strong community of friends to share them with.

Just a little friendly game...

Jamie and Lily

Matea and Miko

Arley

Asher

In other news, we got our house painted--finally!  No more ugly peach.  A few months ago, we also got our roof re-coated with this stuff that reflects the sun.  Here are a few shots of the exterior.  We're still waiting on solar, HECO is dragging their feet.  They basically don't want to approve people because they're losing money on the monopoly they have in Hawaii.  Hopefully we can cash in on the federal tax credit before it expires, but it's all still a big question mark.  I thought I'd include some before and after photos for effect.

Peach house and deck, old windows, no water in pool...

Water in pool, new windows, power-washed deck, but still peach...

Fully functional and painted a pretty green :)

Here's the view from the front :)

Birthday Blog

First family hike :)

I can't believe I'm 30 years young!  Wasn't I just making dirt balls and riding bikes in my neighborhood a little bit ago?!  God has blessed my life abundantly, and I am so grateful for his love.  I am thoroughly enjoying this season as a new mommy, and I'm so thankful that my husband cheerfully supports our family so I can stay home with our little love bug.  I'm also thankful to my  wonderful mother for loving me and raising me so that I can be a great mother to Lily.

Me and my beautiful mother - 1984

30 years later.  Me and my sweet Lily - 2014

This past year has been a whirlwind.  We finished renovating our house (almost), moved in, decorated (slightly), and had a beautiful baby girl.  I couldn't ask for more!  I still have to take life one day at a time though.  Otherwise, I'll stress out thinking about stuff I don't need to stress about.  

Lily is still a pistol.  She has such a personality for a three month old.  She's so alert and aware of her surroundings.  Lately, she hates her car seat and throws tantrums if she's overly tired.  We've already begun the child training process using a stern voice when she throws fits.  It's not easy or fun, but hopefully with time and as she begins to understand more, she will obey cheerfully.  

All in all, I am having a wonderful 30th birthday.  I look forward to rocking my 30's and embracing the journey God has me on with my husband and daughter.  House pics to come on my next blog...

"Even a child is known by his actions, 

by whether his conduct is pure and right."

Proverbs 20:11

My Daily Bread

The bathrooms and kitchen are clean, the laundry is done, the living room is clutter-free, and the baby is napping.  Insert [sigh] here.  It's the small victories in life that get me through.

God is continually teaching me to lean on him every moment of motherhood.  I'm trying to navigate each day with grace.  Some days I'm successful; others not so much.  My constant prayer is that God would give me my "daily bread" or my "motherhood manna" so to speak for each day.

My energy level has been up lately, which is a blessing.  I was able to get back in the water last week thanks to my wonderful hubby.  We traded baby for surf board and let each other have a go.  It was nice to be out  in the ocean... taking in the silence of God's creation.  There are so many facets to what he creates--crying babies to calm waters and vice versa.  It's amazing how something that can bring you so much pleasure can also cause so much heartache and devastation.  Relationships, children, the ocean, your job, money... the list goes on and on.

Anyway, I love my daughter more and more as she grows and learns new things.  Loving her and bonding with her was not something that came right away though.  I thought it would, but it took a little while.  I was able to see within the first few weeks of her life just how conditional MY love really is.  When she cries and cries and cries... it's hard to love her.  From about two to six weeks, every second she was awake (unless she was eating), she was crying.  I can honestly say that I got no joy out of parenting for about a month. On the flip side, when she's happy I feel that my love for her abounds.  She smiles, laughs and coos, and my heart just melts.

I'm not sure how this all relates to God's love for us.  I guess it shows me that I'm not capable of unconditional love.  It shows me just how patient God must be to love us without condition even at our worst.  It also shows how imperfect I am.  I love others--even my own daughter--according to what I might get out of it.  It could be something as small as the joy of a smile or a pat on the back, or as large as a financial inheritance.

My prayer is that God will teach me to love like he does.  I want to be selfless, but in an age where "Selfie Sunday" is what's in, I'm finding it harder and harder to put others first.  I'm learning that parenting is the most selfless job I'll ever have, and I'll keeping leaning on his everlasting arms for my daily bread.

I can't believe my little munchkin will be two months on Saturday.  This has been the longest and shortest two months of my life!

Looking all grown up with her Lamb.

My sweet morning girl.

Beautiful mom and daugter shot!

Absolutely love this precious kiss!

My beach baby.  She loves the sound of the ocean...

"But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore—the LORD above is mightier than these!"

Psalm 93:4

Front Entry and Lily at 6 Weeks

Well, life has been very busy with our sweet (and grumpy) Lily Grace.  Everyone who's ever had a newborn knows this stage all too well!  We're adjusting to life as parents, and she's figuring out how to do this "life outside the womb" thing.  Her personality is already shining even at six weeks and her temper flares regularly.  She's a feisty love bug who always keeps us on our toes!

She's not happy with "tummy time"

Lily's rage during daddy-daughter time.

She didn't like her one month photo shoot, haha.

Not a fan of family photos either.

Not too happy about getting ready for church.

She can be a pistol, but she has her
cute moments too.  Either way, she is loved!

On another note, Mike is back to work while me and little miss fussy pants are cruising at home.  I don't get a lot of free time, but I thought I'd take this moment of silence to update on some more house progress.  Mike didn't get to work on as many projects as he thought he would during his paternity leave.  He was a little busy changing diapers, singing to baby and watching about 40 World Cup matches.  I'm not even exaggerating.

We were able to refinance right after baby was born and do a few major things on the house.  1) We got the roof painted so 2) we can put solar.  We're on the waiting list, but it'll still be about six months or so before the panels go up.  3) We are getting the exterior of the house painted, so Mike will need to prep the outside by caulking and patching certain areas.     

One of the major accomplishments he did was redoing the front entryway outside.  The wood was rotting and the paint was awful.  It was on our list, but we didn't know when we'd get around to doing it.  Since we're getting the outside painted and we had redone the front doors a while back, it made sense to redo this area.  Here are some before and after shots.  It will look much better once the house gets painted, but you get the idea :)

This was a big project that we did several months back...

Another angle.

Under construction.

Doors done, but entry way needs work.

And so it begins.

Mike's handiwork.

Another angle.

Working hard.

Luke helping repair the concrete slab.

Close up.

And it's finished!  Now we're just waiting on the exterior paint!

  

Lily's Birth Story

It has been just a little over one week since I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl imaginable.  Lily Grace Wolfe was born on June 2, 2014 at 7:44pm.  She weighed 6lbs, 12oz, and was 19.25 inches long.  I wanted to record her birth story for future reference just in case I forget any details later.

Her arrival could not have been more perfect!  Her expected due date was June 4, 2014.  The last day of school for me was May 30th. I was able to finish my final grades, attend the 6th grade field trip, and hand out my awards for the English department!  We enjoyed the following weekend and she was born on Monday!

We arrived home around 6:30pm Sunday night from the Garrett's in Makaha and decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood.  I was hoping to walk for a long time thinking it might bring on labor.  About 15 minutes in, my belly was feeling really tight and we had to stop so I could take some deep breaths.  I didn't think I was in labor yet, but I knew it was close.  I didn't sleep very well that night.  I was having mild contractions, but they still felt like Braxton Hicks, not the real deal.  I tossed and turned all night, then finally got up around 1:45am to shower.  I was pretty sure we'd be going to the hospital before morning came.  Mike woke up after I got out of the shower, but wanted to sleep for a little longer since I wasn't panicky.  I went downstairs and started timing the contractions and tried to eat some oatmeal.  We tidied up the house and Mike did the dishes.  As we did so, I had the realization that this might be the last time we'd be in the house without a child.  It was a weird feeling.  By 3:30am we were on our way to the hospital.  I was glad we didn't have to worry about traffic.  At this point, I was only mildly uncomfortable.

We arrived at Kapiolani around 4:00am, and I checked myself in while Mike parked the car.  I had to wait about 10 minutes to be seen, but they took me right into Triage and hooked me up to a fetal monitor as well as a belt to monitor the contractions.  After they checked my cervix and found I was 4cm dilated, they admitted me and gave me a room.

I called Aunty Tammie, and she came down to the hospital to be with me and Mike.  It was so nice having her there since Lily came a few days early and my mom hadn't arrived yet.  The contractions stayed mild to moderate for a few hours.  I was able to do several laps around the 3rd floor and intermittent fetal monitoring every so often.  They checked me again at about 9:00am, and I had already progressed to 6cm.  I was feeling confident that I'd have a baby by lunch time.  The contractions were getting stronger, but still not regular enough to get excited about.  The plan was to check me again in 4 hours.  I was able to eat one last meal and power walk the halls again.  I tried to walk faster this time to see if I could get things moving, but ended up having to stop every few minutes to breathe through contractions.  They were definitely getting more intense.

Four hours finally came and went.  The morning was pretty boring and uneventful.  Mike, Aunty Tammie and I just shared stories, talked about random things and watch Family Feud on TV.  I was wishing we would have brought a deck of cards or dice.  When they checked me this time, I was sure I had progressed.  I had done at least ten laps of the 3rd floor, some squats and movement on the birthing ball.  The contractions were getting very painful and I really had to focus on each one to get through them, but it was still manageable.

Unfortunately, the resident who checked me said I was only 5 and a half cm.  What?!  How could I have digressed?  Her fingers must have been smaller, haha. At that point, they decided to put me on a low dose of Pitocin.  I was hesitant to accept because of the negative things I had heard about the drug, but it seemed to work well for me.  It definitely made my contractions stronger, longer, and more consistent.  Because of the IV, I wasn't able to walk the halls any more.  About an hour into the Pitocin drip, the contractions were starting to get pretty gnarly.  They were coming just about every 2-3 minutes and lasting anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute.  I didn't have much recovery time in between to rest, and I just wanted to know how far along I was.  I asked them to check me again around 3pm so I could see if I had progressed.  If I was at at least 8cm, the plan was to ride it out without an epidural.  If I hadn't progressed, I was going to get the epidural because I knew I couldn't handle the pain for another 4 hours with contractions being so regular.

They came to check me around 3:00pm and I was at 7cm.  I knew it could still be another 3 hours before I hit 10cm, and my water bag was still in tact.  I couldn't handle the pain any longer, and I knew I still had a long road ahead with laboring and pushing, so I asked for the epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in and I could tell he was in a rush.  I didn't like the feeling of knowing that he had other patients to get to.  Although he was in a rush, he was still calm and reassuring.  One of the nurses stayed with me while he administered the epidural, but they asked Mike and Aunty Tam to leave for a few minutes.  I was nervous about having contractions during the time he was sticking the needle in, but it all worked out.  I never saw the needle--good thing!  I guess he had a hard time finding my "space" as he kept calling it.  He said I had small "spaces" between the vertebrae, so that was reassuring.  Once the epi was in and my legs went numb I started feeling good!  Mitchell came and brought Starbucks for Mike and Aunty Tammie, then Lilia and Angelica came to see how I was progressing.  They all hung out for a few hours while we waited for Lily to make her appearance.

My doctor was on vacation, but she was staying on island at a resort.  She told me ahead of time that she was planning to come in for my delivery, but probably wouldn't be around much before hand to check in on me.  So I was already mentally prepared for that.  Apparently she had a scheduled C-section at 7:30pm, so her plan was to come in and check on me around 7:00pm to see my status.  We were just waiting and waiting.  Kind of boring if you ask me.  I just wanted to know the plan.  Finally, at around 6:45, several nurses/residents rushed it and said, "Ok, time to break the water bag."  That was Mitchell's cue to leave, but I let everyone else stay in the room.  So after, it was time to PUSH!  Thankfully, I could still feel the contractions when they came (just not the pain).  How awesome is that?!  I knew when to push and when to rest.  Three pushes each contraction.  Four on longer ones.  Oxygen and deep breaths in between.  Mike and Aunty Tammie were each holding a leg.  Doctor came in around 7:05 and stayed with me until I delivered.  Being a doctor must be so weird.  I only had to push for about 40 minutes, maybe 10 rounds of contractions or so... and there she was.

The moment she came out was absolutely surreal.  I could barely believe it was happening.  In the end, I'm very thankful I got the epidural because I was able to enjoy the last few hours of labor--even the pushing part.  They wiped her down with some towels and laid her right on my chest while I got stitched up.  She was perfect; truly a gift from God.  Mike and I were in tears and utterly elated.  She laid there on my chest for a good 30 minutes skin to skin and just stared up at me, wide-eyed, beautiful.  I am still in awe of the miracle of life.  I can't help but think of my favorite scripture, Psalm 139:13-14.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful and I know that full well."

I know the rest of Lily's life will be a journey, but I am glad it has commenced successfully.  Mike and I could not be happier.  Here are some pictures to enjoy.

Before Lily, after the epidural.

Overjoyed.

Staring at mommy.

Wide awake.

Healthy girl.

Lamb from Grammarene.

Headed home.

First car seat ride.

Nap time with mom.

Play time with Daddy.  "Do you have milk?"

Sleeping beauty.

Rascal girl.

Grandma Jan.

Stretch it out.

So sweet.

Sweet pea!